Stunning Spring range revealed

It's official darlings: brown is the new black this season. The unveiling of Wallace's Spring rambling range always causes a frenzy of anticipation among the fashionistas from Milan to Monkwearmouth. Never a stranger to controversy, it was Wal's new brown strides that had the glitterati gossiping. Variously described as 'cow-pat brown' and 'turd-taupe', the new colour scheme was, er, daring to say the least. With more zips than Sid Vicious Wal found plenty of places to tuck his bits and bobs. Trouser longevity has long been a priority for our doyen of design and after a nine-mile hike our guru reported only minimal gusset erosion.

As a committed Champagne Socialist he's always been keen to make his product accessible to the poor people and through inspired use of Far-Eastern child labour sweat-shops, Wal is retailing these beauties through ASDA at an amazing £3.97 with a free pair of matching nylon socks.

Scoop: The two-stick look returns

True fashion followers will have noticed that having started the trend, Wallace has eschewed the mono-stick look and has instead reverted to this balanced two-stick concept.

Our excited fashion photographer Gervaise spotted our maestro on the Far Eastern Fells recently and the double-stick look combined with his elegant form attracted admiring glances despite ocasionally becoming entangled in his legs. Fortunately his impromptu falls into the peat bogs exemplified the ability of the brown pants to mask any form of mud stains. Truly the work of a genius.

The perspicacious amongst you may have spotted Wal's innovative double crotch straps seen for the first time on the High Street range. Although attracting ribald comments from the more conservative elements of the rambling fraternity, this look will surely be de rigeur this season. Never one for placing form over function, our design guru reported on the excellent hernia-ameliorating properties of the strap concept. Awesome.

Coming soon...

Wal reveals his new Wainwright-inspired tweed underwear range.

More fashion tips...

Check up on previous instalments of Wallace's fashion tips including his man-skirt. Also, see the 2007 Rambling Range that brought Milan to its knees.